wordsDuring the December holiday marathon, the one bit of advice is always…Breathe out, breathe in, breathe out, breathe in.  And do try to keep your sense of humor.

Thus, a little contribution to your sanity.

Did you know that December is the most popular month for nose jobs?

From the Southern Groan department:

In a small Southern town there was a nativity scene that showed great skill and talent by the makers.  However, there was one small item that bothered some of the onlookers.  The three Wise Men were wearing firemen’s helmets.

At a convenience store a clerk was asked about the meaning of the helmets.  After exploding with rage, he yelled “Don’t you damn Yankees ever read the Bible?”  When he was assured that that wasn’t the case, he jerked his Bible from under the counter and flipped through the pages and finally, jabbed his finger at a passage.   “See, right there, it says the three wise men came from afar.”

Merger-mania Hits December Holidays

Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Hanukkah will merge. An industry source said that the deal had been in the works for about 1300 years.

dredelWhile details were not available at press time, it is believed that the overhead cost of having twelve days of Christmas and eight days of Hanukkah was becoming prohibitive for both sides. By combining forces, we’re told, the world will be able to enjoy consistently high-quality service during the Fifteen Days of Chrismukkah, as the new holiday is being called.

Massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids a-milking being the hardest hit. As part of the conditions of the agreement, the letters on the dreydl, currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming unintelligible to a wider audience.

Also, instead of translating to “A great miracle happened there,” the message on the dreydl will be the more generic “Miraculous stuff happens.” In exchange, it is believedpeartree that Jews will be allowed to use Santa Claus and his vast merchandising resources for buying and delivering their gifts.

One of the sticking points holding up the agreement for at least three hundred years was the question of whether Jewish children could leave milk and cookies for Santa even after having eaten meat for dinner.  A breakthrough came last year, when Oreos were finally declared to be Kosher. All sides appeared happy about this.

A spokesman for Christmas, Inc., declined to say whether a takeover of Kwanzaa might not be in the works as well. He merely pointed out that, were it not for the independent existence of Kwanzaa, the merger between Christmas and Chanukah might indeed be seen as an unfair cornering of the holiday market. Fortunately for all concerned, he said, Kwanzaa will help to maintain the competitive balance. He then closed the press conference by leading all present in a rousing rendition of “Oy Vey, All Ye Faithful.”

One final groaner:

What do you call a bunch of Chess Grand Masters bragging about their game prowess  in a hotel lobby?elf

Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

I hope you all have a peaceful and calm holiday.

Thanks once again for all your support and interest in this little labor of love.  I enjoy writing it, but most of all, I enjoy your comments and the fact that I am connecting with you. If you would like to receive notification when new posts are made,  click on the RSS Feed, highlighted in the upper right side of this page, within the words:  “Hey there! Thanks for dropping by La Bella Vita! Take a look around and grab the RSS feed to stay updated. See you around!”   Also, you are welcome to forward the blog to others who might also be interested.